I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
