I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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