You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
