I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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