If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
