While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
