hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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