we have pet lesbian snakes
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
