Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
