I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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