Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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