and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
ttyl tear gas
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
