biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
