ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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