I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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