i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
