ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
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drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
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I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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