It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
