So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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