He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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