Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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