I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
