i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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