Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
