i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
