in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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