nut hugger
The maid of honor just puked.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tornado booty call.. dedication
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
