Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
