Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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