I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
What a dumb baby whore.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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