Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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