My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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