please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
