Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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