I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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