Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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