Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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