apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
