onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We are all done wearing pants today
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
