so explain again why im purple
no
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize