Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
