After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
