We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
