that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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