How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
