Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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