why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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