you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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