Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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