just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
