I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
