Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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