your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
