he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
