I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
