i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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