Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
