I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
pop tarts are not kleenex
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
