OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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