She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize