just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
