I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
