I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
