Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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