It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
