did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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