Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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