can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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