Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
