woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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