Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
