i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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