I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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