If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
